Never ask “Are you finished?”

The art of good conversation is mostly gone with the digital age. Many people have become mute as they scroll their devices and avoid verbal engagement when possible.

At the other end of the spectrum is the friend who keeps you captive with a running commentary; a story without end that is rich in details no one wants to hear. That makes it particularly difficult to enjoy the give and take of an engaging exchange. The teller doesn’t notice the listeners’ glassy eyes that finally lose signs of life; listeners who don’t ask questions, because they’re afraid it will wind up the storyteller for another 15 minutes. That’s not conversation. In a group setting it brings it to a halt, because now everyone is a captive audience. Such is the temptation to ask, “Are you done yet?” That’s the same as accusing the storyteller of being a gas bag.

A close friend of mine was an inveterate storyteller at parties. The narrative went on so long that I’d watch as bored listeners shifted their feet, a clear sign they hoped the end was near. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I never said anything. But one evening our host, also a close buddy of my friend, told him to “cut to the chase.” It was cringe-worthy to hear that in front of other people, but my friend didn’t seem offended and mercifully got to the point.

Good raconteurs are great entertainers and can hold listeners spellbound with even a long story. Most of us aren’t. So, here are several ways we can distinguish ourselves as valued party guests and frequent invitees to social gatherings:

• Listen more than you talk. Ask questions and listen as though you’re interested. Prove it with an occasional comment. pantheon
• Don’t talk about your health or your spouse’s experience in the hospital. Also, don’t bring up religion or politics.
• Adjust your conversation to your listener. Don’t run on about restoring your 1920 motorcycle when clearly others aren’t interested.
• If you’re telling a story, give it a broad stroke; leave out details that listeners could care less about.
• Brett and Kate McKay’s The Art of Good Conversation offers much more on how good discourse creates lasting social connections.

We want to hear from you, so feel free to share tips, ideas, and resources for seniors and caregivers with Grannybooster. Email me, Maris Somerville, at info@grannybooster.com